1. No. You don’t have to be skinny to wear skinny jeans. You just have to find skinny jeans in a size and material that does not make your non-skinny body look shrink-wrapped.
2. “Rock star” librarians are not.
3. You absolutely do not have to peel the foil wrap off a bottle of wine before opening it. Trust me (I’ve had lots of practice)–the cork comes right out, foil and all, in one easy step!
4. There is not only one, right way to load a dishwasher, although my husband says there is and that I don’t know it.
5. Stuff in libraries is not free. It is free to borrow, yes, but it costs money to buy it to give it to you to borrow, YOUR money, as a matter of fact.
6. A watched pot does boil. But why would anyone want to watch it?
7. Paper things–toilet paper, paper towels, Kleenex–do not magically replenish themselves if left unattended. That was probably your mom/wife/somebody who had no choice.
8. The mall is not a highway. There is no correct lane or direction in which to be traveling.
9. It makes perfect sense to order a skinny latte with whip. The calorie savings from using skim milk allows you to enjoy the cream!
10. Same goes for ordering a diet soda with a juicy, Five Guys burger and fries.
11. Libraries aren’t becoming irrelevant. They are aging well. They are Lady Gaga, and they will reinvent themselves.
12. Nobody is able to know what you want or need. Tell somebody.
13. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart grow heavier.
14. If you buy shoes that you love but are not available in your size, they will not stretch and become more comfortable nor will they shrink. Your feet will either just hurt like hell or come out of your shoes every time you take step. Either way, it won’t be pretty.
15. A strong person is not someone who doesn’t need any help. A strong person is someone who is not afraid to admit that he/she does.
16. Cowboys and old soldiers do die, but anger fades away.
17. 50 is not the new 30. Who wants to be 30 again?
18. If you pick up a crying baby every time that baby cries, you are not spoiling. You are teaching someone that they matter.
19. Your kids are never too old to hug, indulge, brag about, or to throw off balance with the look.
20. Someday, you will fully understand and appreciate what your parents knew, did not know, could not do, or did as best they could. That one is not a myth–it’s just true.