I fear many people on the East coast are in for a rough weekend. So in honor of striving for a little levity and calm before the storm, these are a few of the things in life that I don’t understand, excluding the obvious like German or Calculus or XML. And please–this list is not meant to criticize, condemn, or judge anyone (there’s enough of that going on in our political process). I am well aware that some of the things I do understand are completely baffling to others. These differences are what make life interesting!
And good luck to all in the path of Irene.
1. If “hot” means “sexy”, then why is a “hot mess” a bad thing?
2. If two people can have a conversation over dinner in a restaurant within earshot of everyone around them, then why is it considered offensive when someone dining alone has a cell phone conversation with someone else on the other end?
3. Why is it okay to eat a doughnut, muffin, or bagel for breakfast but not necessarily a chocolate chip cookie? They are all made from basically the same ingredients.
4. The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and Jersey Shore.
5. Graphic novels (as in comic books, not explicit reading material).
6. Fantasy football.
7. The Kardashians.
8. If Google+ is so much better than Facebook, then why is almost nobody I know on it?
9. Why does my “on demand” movie freeze 15 minutes from the end and then “demand” that I reboot, restart, and re-watch the whole damn movie?
10. Those little cards that fly out of the pages of magazines and land on my floor, in my car, on the ground…
11. Bras–they are evil.
12. Why is someone who doesn’t believe in one certain religion called a “non-believer” when there are so many other things to believe in–yourself, your family, God, karma, destiny, the universe, love, kindness…
13. Is it absolutely necessary to advertise personal, feminine hygiene products on TV? I believe their necessity is universally known and accepted.
14. Speaking of said products, why are men so opposed to buying them?
15. Why Entertainment Tonight is fixated on expensive celebrity weddings, messy Hollywood divorces, and fashion faux pas.
16. Why I watch Entertainment Tonight.
17. Politicians who claim to be “one of us” and “average” and “ordinary.” If I wanted someone average and ordinary in office, then I would run myself.
18. If the O’Reilly Factor is the “no-spin zone” then why is that exactly what my head is doing whenever I watch it with my husband?
19. That little, spinning rainbow wheel on my Mac.
20. Why do some people get hit with so many trials and tribulations while others go through life basically unscathed?
21. Why do some people win big in the lottery more than once when the odds are miniscule that one would ever win at all?
22. That I can remember the names of everyone I’ve ever met except the only child of the person standing right in front of me.
23. That I think of the best things to say two hours after I’ve had the only opportunity I will have to say them.
24. Why I will think of 20 more interesting things that should have been on this list instead after I post.
25. Why I can’t whistle.
26. Or carry a tune.
27. Why hurricanes have names.
28. How it is that I have been so fortunate so far in life.